I want to share with you the following “Grief Help: 3 Coping Tips for Daily Life” tips. Please use the following grief help tips to lift you up in your day to day life.
What are your WINS?
TIP: Focus on what you did right today.
When I work with clients, I often request a mini-progress report between sessions so they can report their WINS, challenges and what they would like to focus on during our time together. Often clients make MORE forward movement than they realize–when they reflect on what is going well and acknowledge their progress.
You may have the tendency to focus on what is not going right or judge yourself harshly when you don’t do what you think you “should” do. Instead, challenge yourself to notice what good you did during the day.
I know it’s not easy. When you notice your wins, no matter how big or small, you are giving yourself self-care and nourishment. When you practice this each day, you are strengthening your resilience muscle.
What you focus on expands, so add up your WINS or small victories each day to cultivate more forward momentum.
Better yet, keep a running list of your WINS to attract even more.
Keep the list on your phone, by your desk or in your purse.
TIP: When you are grieving a heartbreak, acknowledge even the little things that are going right to build your resilience.
To give you some ideas, below is a list of accomplishments that others have noticed as WINS:
- I laughed today.
- I looked at photos without crying. I heard our song without tearing up.
- I slept through the night.
- I went to a movie with a girlfriend. I made plans with a friend for the weekend.
- I could focus at work. I was on time to my job.
- I can go out in public and not be afraid of seeing something to upset me.
- I helped another person.
- I am not as afraid.
- I can be in my home alone.
- I have periods of time where I forget about my heartbreak.
- I can spend time with others and not feel sad.
- I felt happy today.
Below is a daily practice to help you be kind to yourself. When you are gentle and caring with yourself instead of harsh or judgement, small victories will be easier to identify.
DAILY KINDNESS PRACTICE
TIP: Daily Kindness Practice
Be compassionate and supportive with yourself. Observe your self-talk throughout the day.
Are you judgmental and harsh or gentle and loving?
Replace any negative self-talk and inner criticism with nurturing and caring thoughts, such as:
- I am sorry you had a bad day. Tomorrow will be better, so let’s rest right now.
- I am sorry others think you should be feeling better by now. Let’s give you all the time, rest and care you need.
- I am sorry that someone hurt your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad. Others may not understand what you’re going through. Let’s do our best to surround you with supportive people.
Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. On the left side, note any negative statements you mentally repeat to yourself during the day. On the right side, write reassuring, encouraging statements to use instead.
The goal is to provide self-soothing and provide balance to your wounded heart.
Better yet, keep a running list of your WINS to attract even more.
Keep the list on your phone, by your desk or in your purse.
GRIEF SUCCESS TIP
TIP: Set Yourself Up for Success
What is hard for you? What do you dislike to do?
As you identify these tasks, think about how to make them easier or eliminate them.
Be creative in how you problem solve. To get the hang of it, here are some simple ideas for addressing common problems.
- I don’t like getting out of bed in the morning.
(Can I give myself something to look forward too? Plan a visit with a child or grandchild? Plan a morning commitment with a friend or colleague?) - I don’t like Sundays because they are too long now.
(Can I break up the day with an activity? Go to an upbeat movie? Go to lunch? Go to a park? ) - I don’t like going to church without my loved one.
(Would going to a different service make a difference? Can I go with a friend? Can I sit in a different area of the church? Maybe I should not go for now?) - My spouse always did the cooking.
(Can a family member teach me? Can I purchase pre-made meals? Can a neighbor help?) - I never did grocery shopping in the past, and I don’t like to go now.
(Can I plan shorter trips to the store? Go to a different store? Order items online? Go with a friend?)
If you are having trouble with ideas to address your immediate problems, enlist a supportive person to help you problem solve.
Who can help you today?
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