There are no absolutes in healing grief, but validation is a first step.
Your path is yours and yours alone in healing grief. Take in the information that resonates with you and leave the rest. You know what is best for you in healing grief- ignore the platitudes, misinformation, and misconceptions that deter and shorten your mourning experience.
Each person’s loss experience is different due to the distinct relationship with his or her loved one.
Each person’s grief healing experience is unique. 
Unfortunately, society typically pushes us faster than we’d like to heal. We often get the message that grief should be handled quietly and quickly. This causes animosity and makes us dig in our heels deeper to prove our grief… and love. If you can, try not to compare your suffering to another person’s to prove your pain. This only adds to your sorrow and perpetuates the false idea that some grief is worse than others.
There is no hierarchy of pain or grief. The sadness you’re feeling is always the most important… to you. Just as your neighbor’s sorrow is the most valid… to her. When we rank grief, we validate some losses and minimize others. This causes people to be silent about their losses. They then feel alone, afraid that their pain will be dismissed when they need help.
No one can know exactly how you feel, but others can listen, support, and be present to you. They can learn from you without offering answers to your problems. The can witness your pain without trying to fix it. They can offer hope without trying to use logic to talk you out of your pain.
Here are some guideposts for grief healing:
1. Do not compare losses. All loss hurts, especially to the person experiencing it.
2. No one gets to tell you how to mourn. It’s your own unique experience.
3. Your feelings are yours, and this makes them valid, no matter what is happening around you or to others.
4. No one else has experienced exactly what you are. Do not let anyone minimize your grief because they haven’t been in your place and cannot fully understand.
You heal at your own pace. Some people cannot move away from sorrow, some live fully with sadness by their side, and some even release their grief completely.
It’s all okay.
Each person is on his or her unique path to learn to live with the death of a loved one.
If no one has acknowledged and validated your sorrow, I am now. I know it sucks. I know it’s hell. I know it’s the worse thing you’ll likely ever go through.
If others acknowledged your loss in a way you’d like, how would that change your experience?
Post below and provide your opinion on how to acknowledge loss. And most importantly, tell your friends and family how to honor your feelings of loss.
Blessings of love and light to you,
Chelsea Hanson
P.S. – Remember it’s impossible to forget those you love. Grief softens, while love continues to grow stronger and stronger. As you release the grief in your heart, you will have more room for love to flourish. You can move forward while you simultaneously keep your beloved close in daily life… through memory, spirit, and love.
Discover more about the bridge from loss to enduring love in my new book, The Sudden Loss Survival Guide – Seven Essential Practices to Heal Grief.
Praise for The Sudden Loss Survival Guide
This Survival Guide is a treasure trove of useful tools, practical suggestions, and helpful practices which, bundled together in an immensely readable format, will serve as a reliable road map to living through and finding meaning in significant loss.”
―Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, author of Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year
“Grief is a universal experience. Sooner or later, we all experience grief. When it’s triggered by an unexpected loss, it’s doubly difficult to handle. Chelsea Hanson’s new book, The Sudden Loss Survival Guide, is the perfect resource for anyone suddenly confronted with the loss of a loved one. Read it and weep…tears of love and healing.”
―BJ Gallagher, coauthor of Your Life Is Your Prayer
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